On a way to find Orgasm

Disappointed he hung up my phone (not the first time) when I told him “Hidden Pocket” recommended me couple-therapy sessions to clear all doubts including tips on having better sex. He made me realize I distracted myself into searching for a magician baba to throw some miraculous tricks at me to reach a climax on second thought of confronting us-me and my partner. Undoubtedly this isn’t only my situation, almost every other woman would have gone through the same way or another. That spins my head around the amount of courage one needs to share comfort deeper than I was looking over the surface because comfort is more than secrets, body, and space.

Breathing deeply with tightly crossed arms and pursed lips, I am wondering. I am unsure if I understand that I am concerned or curious about not having an orgasm except wanting an orgasm. So I rushed to the options over the table and pinged every other girl, friend, or old/non-friend of mine to talk about whether they had “O”. To do — Run for medical help — check! Step by step made me feel like oh yes! Anjali, there you are open about everything, asking for help when you need it and it is so exciting to talk about having an “O” while other women typically haven’t thought about it. But it all kept pulling me backward as I missed one major piece — to talk to myself as well as my partner about all the questions and worries rushing inside me.

That’s where all the solutions have been for the reason — intimacy is all about love with a mixture of physical and emotional feelings between the two. After falling for my erotic fantasies I’d say all I have had is a too amazing experience. And mind me when everything looks all too well, somewhere you are ignoring the cuts that later become difficult to recognize the bleeding spot. Like, in bed, my stress blindfolded me to feel my body freely and my attention slipped over him. I shifted my pleasure in doing it all pleasurable for him.

But it shouldn’t take anybody else this long as I did to understand that it would never work like that fairly seeing that my feelings are as important as his to build this together. Would I have been able to hit his favorite spots if he didn’t meet me halfway there, and talked me out? Proudly asking where his lips give me goosebumps or if I would like him to stay longer to feel him all over me is something I would have done if I were a little more of a feminist or if I had more comfort in my body. But does avoiding facing us, speaking my mind, and feeling uncomfortable under my skin take me to the road of self-love or feminism? Nah, it just cannot happen that way. Maybe I’m scared to find out I am the one making any mistake. Or it would embarrass me to find that I barely know how to do it, or I am unfamiliar with my body. I learned that whatever might feels wrong should resolve intimately, not overpower intimacy in the wrong direction.

Ignoring all of my doubts gives so many signs to draw me up looking weak but acknowledging it does not. Orgasm is not the end of sexual activity; love, acceptance, communication, and enjoyment are. And it feels passably natural being grown up as a woman to grab the quality of ignorance to please yourself. But I don’t choose this for myself nor should anyone. All the ladies in my shoes should understand that we may or may not soon get an O, either way, we should choose to work on feeling free back in our bodies. It is sometimes difficult to make ourselves comfortable physically even if we trust our partners and are completely attached on an emotional level to them. So we will take our time honestly. We could do dancing, singing, acting, exercising, playing, and all those other things with our partners to open ourselves up. Forget the mantra of “fake it till you make it”. Talk about all the kinks you wanna do with your partner. “Eyes into eyes” is way more “turn-on” than it just sounds romantic, also communicates more. Honestly speaking I know the struggle behind these small gestures and it’s because I am still on my way to accepting myself all by myself. Certainly, it drags my head first, proud and fearless.