UNTRENDING LOVE

With every name on my list of boyfriends, I kept looking for a love that believes in me. The one who believes that I could be a strong independent woman, I could love more, do more achieve and lose more, and that someday I will change the world. Yeah, I stopped updating my dating list a long time ago. Not because I ran out of boys, but because it seemed hopeless. Dating men without asking for this made it worse to compromise on that part. All this time passed by, and I had spent every day imagining that there exists no man who can put me and his faith in me equal to him. It made me wonder how I am surrounded by men with the same manufacturing defect. But you know what they say you get what you are looking for. I found him. The day I lost my father, for the very first time I realized I always had the man I was looking for. This piece is partly grief but majorly is the kind of love and chance, not all women ask and got around me.

Since the day he left me, all these days heavy stones keep sliding from my mind directly to my chest. So, I do not entertain the thought for long to save myself from the pain it causes. I am all about breaking rules since my childhood. On the other hand, my family always wanted to play safe like every other parent so I couldn’t pour my heart out ever in front of them. By nature, I am just like my father, more calmful and less argumentative.

We both loved each other even though common grounds were hard to find between us. Another two things we both had in common was to see myself being successful but having different roads to reach there and the second thing was dedicated commitment. A major conflict rose between us once with the stream selection in 10th grade. He wanted me to go for Science and I desperately wanted to pursue Arts. He tried every trick on me to change my mind but when I got my result for 11th, he took U-turn and committed to taking the swing with me.

Things started getting harder step by step when the graph of my education was rising, and his business came down. Every time you make choices you have to lose a part of yourself. He chose my future over anything and sold the house which he had built with five years of savings in a piggy bank. He never stepped back since then.

As three years flew by and with none of him for the last eight months, I gradually learned about others. Every other woman that I knew never got someone like him. Nobody’s father did everything he could for his daughter’s future (except marriages). They don’t drive her every morning to their college as he did to me. They don’t spend most of their earnings on her books and stationery whereas he never wanted me to worry about money so never crossed any bill or fee receipt to cross my hand. They feel she is a burden that they want to release on another man.

My father proudly wanted me to put my career first. He had real faith in me. I never saw that faith again in anyone else’s eyes. So yeah, I don’t have guilt anymore about how much he had to put everything at stake for me. However, I am so thankful to have had that love and man once in my life and got me thinking that why we women have a man like that rarely. It is primarily important for a woman to take responsibility for her life Why it’s so difficult for a man to have faith in a woman to live her life and make our future on our own? Why do we ask for a man to keep our future secure and not ask for a man that would let us make our future secure? Why we(women) don’t ask for this kind of love? Kind of love women is made obliged to show towards their family and relationships. It’s probably better off alone than needing a man who would not equally have that kind of faith in me.